marionsjourney

It is the summer of my smiles-
Flee from me keepers of the gloom.
Speak to me only with your eyes
It is to you I give this tune.
Aint so hard to recognize-
These things are clear to all from
Time to time. ooooh..

I am in a lyrical mood tonight. Been listening to my favorite songs.

My mom is coming to visit tomorrow from California, we haven’t seen her since we moved here, so that was March it’s been about 5 months. The kids are super excited! I am too, finally someone to spend some time with. Being a stay at home mom with no spare vehicle is hard, Jeff works so much and I am here with the kids. Adult conversation is hard to come by, well live conversation anyway. I will probably away from the comp most of the time, she is staying until Monday.  We are going to seethe new Harry potter with the kids and then the new Gerard Butler movie just us I am looking ofrward to it. I plan on keepingmy diet and same good food choices. Went to the store tonight and bought a buncha healthy groceries, I am going to allow myself to cheat one day while she is here because I know we will be going out to eat after the movie. But only one day, I told her about my weightloss goals and what I am doing to achieve them and she is proud of me and is respecting that. I may even get her to go walking with me too =) Well need to go finish up a few things before bed. I am going to try some relaxation music tonight when I laydown, maybe that will help me fall asleep (thanks Fiona!) hope it works.

My husband and kids just got home from the creek from a day of fishing with some of my hubs co-workers.  The kids had a great time, they came in gushing about how fun it was. But Jeff(hubby) came into the house all solemn faced. I asked what was wrong and he sat me down and told me that my 4 yr old Noah almost drown. He said that he was standing next to him while they fished and Jeff caught a fish, so he walking not 3 feet away to get the fish and one of the co-workers yelled for Jeff, he turned around and Noah was face down in the water floating. Ugh I have the ugliest feeling right now. I am soo thankful that they saw him in time. Jeff scooped him out of the water, he said he only turned away for 4 seconds and he was in the water. He got him out and said that Noah just took and big breath and blinked alot. So he didn’t cough any water up or anything. Hubby is so very haunted by what he saw, he is really messed up about it. I told him not to be too hard on himself but he wont listen. He can’t get the image of him floating out of his head. I told him that it could be so much worse and we should just be soo thankful that it isn’t. He said the water was only about 6 inches deep and he could stand in it, I know that doesn’t matter, kids can drown in 3 inch water. I talked to Noah, he doesn’t seem fazed at all by it, he just kept telling me how much fun he had. Jeff said he didn’t seem scared or anything. Thank the Lord for his life. If no one saw him it would have been worse.

I love this site and all my new friends. You are all so good to me and for me. Since I have joined this group I have lost 8 pounds! And I feel so good, not because of the weight loss but because of the encouragement and support. I have found that without those two, then this journey would be such a long hard lonely one. It’s still long and hard but no longer lonely, I think, no I know, that if I didn’t have it then I would have already quit. To hell with it, no one cares if I lose or gain anyway! But no, I CARE! and you care. Thank you for caring, thak you for the bruises on my butt from where you kicked me and set me back in place. Without you I would be failing.

I am feeling a bit down today. I’m pretty sure it’s because I need some more sleep today, maybe I will take a nap later on. I feel like eating badly too, I guess it’s just one of those days.

I do notice that when I am not sleeping well, it hurts my progress with dieting and I do get depressed easily. I just feel so blah and tired that I don’t want to put the effort into anything, I just want to lay around and do nothing.  My kids are being a little louder today then normal, I feel a litle more bloated and fatigued then normal and I really don’t want to eat anything. Yep, and it’s all because I didn’t get good sleep.

I never really understood how important sleeping is until I started on my weight loss journey. Now that I have found out what an important role it has in my everyday life and how I feel, it has started to evade me.  When I get good sleep, I feel great and do my exercises and my diet is good. But when I don’t get good sleep then I lay around in a grumpy mood not wanting to do anything or put any effort into anything.

I am going to try to take a nap and see if that helps me, we shall see if I am even able to. Will the kids let me? …..

I am feeling surprisingly good this morning. Maybe it’s the rain, I love the rain =) Anyway, I have been having such problems sleeping these past two weeks, it’s getting rather ridiculous. I have tried laying in bed until I fall asleep from boredom, that doesn’t work. I have tried listening to my audio books with some headphones, that doesn’t work. Bubble bath before bed to relax me, nope. Even sex to tire me out, that only worked twice. Oh, and Tylenol PM, that just made me relaxed but still awake….lame! It has really affected my moods and eating, I am so tired all the time. I was getting super depressed, I’m feeling better lately tho. Eating better too. So I’m not sure what else to try, I wake up early as well, that way I don’t sleep in and maybe I’ll be tired by night time. Who knows, I think my mind is just to crazy and rambled, doesn’t want to slow down and relax.  Anybody have any mind slowing ideas?

Ok guys I am finally ready to talk about. I have fallen into the depression pool. Bare with me, cuz I am not the greatest writer. My family and I just moved to Oklahoma from California in March HUGE change for us. My husband lost his job at Chrysler last October and could not find work, so we packed up and moved to Ok where my Aunt lives. He got a great job here. Problem is, we went from being Cali and having a great social life, being extremely involved in our church, and always being around our families. To being in OK, having one car that hubby uses for work 7 days a week 12 hours a day, knowing absolutely no one, having no social life, and retreating into myself and my house. I am super lonely, even with 4 kids to take care of. It would be nice to have some adult conversation once in a while. It sucks a lot, I have been getting more and more drawn into myself, not wanting to leave the house anymore. Caring WAY too much what other people are thinking about me, and I don’t even know what they are thinking! “Maybe if I was thinner and looked better I would have friends” that’s gone through my head a few times, I know how ridiculous that sounds. I have gotten an obsession with online shopping, because I have nothing better to do, in my mind. I asked hubby to take my ATM card away and only give it me when we need things. I don’t know how to get out of this funk, it is so hard. I feel like I sound pathetic when I say I wish I had some friends. I do have friends but they are all far far away. It’s not the same, and I don’t even get to talk to them often.  Ugh. Loneliness can bite me.

So I was in the shower (where I do my best thinking) I had just got done with my workout, and i was thinking about my weight loss and the things I would like to accomplish.

Alot of people have weaknesses, most of us on here it’s food. What is the number one thing people do when things call for celebration? Eat. Go out to eat, have dinner with family, friends what have you. So I’m thinking we can substitute this for something else. I am setting up a reward for myself for every number of pounds I lose. So now what would the prize be if not food? Well for everyone it’s different. Think about something you love, you love to do, to have ect. Some ladies love shoes, purses, shopping, clothes, art, music ect. For me it’s tattoo’s, oh I love tattoo’s, have tons too! I normally get them quite often to. So instead of getting them whenever I want, I am going to set up a reward system for myself. For every 15 pounds I lose, I can go get a tattoo. That’s big motivation for me.

Do you have something to reward yourself with?

What motivates you?